nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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