i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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