This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
