I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
