Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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