I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
