when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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