I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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