i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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