I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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