only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
