idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
