There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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