Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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