Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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