It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
