i think i have herpe
just one?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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