Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
