You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
