im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
