remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
