I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
