It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
