So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize