all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
