I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
