Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just threw up on my dentist
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
