So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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