I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
