now i know why i became what i already was.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
