just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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