were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
