Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
