Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
