Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
