Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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