she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
