He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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