okay pat passed out under dana's car
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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