You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
