Will you blow on my dice?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
