just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my shit smells like andre
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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