After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
