she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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