i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
