I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
