I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
