dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
