OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
