By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
