I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
