i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
