Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
