she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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