I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
