I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
