shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
