she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
