fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
