Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
