Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
